Financial Crisis hits home at Rothwell Gornt?

Browsing through the Taipan Times personal ads section, I happened to notice something that made me wonder if Gornt's company has quite the reserves he claims.

Sea Witch, currently of Hong Kong Royal Yacht Club

Gornt's favourite cruiser, the Sea Witch (named after his ancestor Brock's clipper) is up for sale. And at a price I think is quite unreasonable for such a junk (all puns intended).

I fear that if he's trying to raise capital to attempt to purchase new property, selling this isn't going to even raise enough money for the taxi ride to the estate agent.

Struan's Cola - Hong Kong's safe Cola

The Noble House, as everyone knows, is the purveyor of Hong Kong's finest soft beverage - Stag Cola: The cool of the Highlands in the heat of the tropics.



As the Tai-Pan of the Noble House, particularly when it comes to our products, the safety and health of Hong Kong is a great concern of mine. I am particularly worried that Gornt is pressing ahead with the release of 'ExtraJoss - Active', after the scandal that arose during its recent trial period in the Philippines.



It turned out that the factory Gornt bought to make this product used to be a pesticide factory. Subsequently, the 'ExtraJoss - Active' was tainted with abamectin, chlorthiophos and kasugamycin. As their marketing gimmick inside the ring-pull would say: Bad Joss.

Not only has Gornt gone ahead with ExtraJoss regular here in Hong Kong, but the source is still the same. Can he guarantee the safety of this product? He has so far avoided any comment on this product, and ExtraJoss - Active is not even listed on the Rothwell-Gornt website.

Citizens of Hong Kong - if you want to stay safe, drink Struan's Stag Cola.

The Tai-Pan

Press Release: 2008 4th Quarter and Full-Year Results

The Noble House has now released its complete results for 2008, and is pleased to retain its position as Hong Kong's most profitable company.

Earnings in the 4th quarter dipped slightly, in line with the global financial crisis, but it was still a record 135th year straight of growth in profits.

2009 looks to be a financially challenging year for the world, but The Noble House is sure that its diverse portfolio and dedicated staff will help it maintain its position as Hong Kong's most profitable trading house.

Please contact Euthanasia Tan (ex. 5154) for the full report.

Year of the Ox

Report on the Annual Consultation with Master Yip

I have just returned from consulting our venerable 'Feng Shooee' advisor, Master Yip. The Noble House takes Chinese geomancy very seriously, as you are aware from the positioning of our office doors, and always consults Yip for his predictions over the following year for those members of staff who are keen to receive HK's most eminent astrologer's view upon the fortunes of the coming cycle. As Tai Pan of the Noble House, I have taken the liberty to interpret some of Yip's findings into business related contexts.

Yip: The Heavenly Stem and Earthly Branch are both grounded in earth, with concealed seams of gold and hidden springs. The coffers re-fill, but are spilled anew by chaos.

Tai-Pan: Although seemingly stable and initially profitable, the property/land sector will drain the funds poured into it. Not a good year to invest in new building projects (Shame about your new developments in Central and Kowloon West, Gornt). This also could be a veiled hint that there will be a general disaster to hit Asia - but then the astrologers do get caught up with big events happening in China in years that end in 9 (PRC founding, Tiananmen, May 4th movement etc.).

Yip: The giants that fell leave space for new dragons; those that did not fall must bend like the bamboo or shatter.

Tai-Pan: The Noble House was largely unscathed by the financial crisis due to forethought and diligent diverse planning. There will be new competition filling the vacuum left by competitors no longer with us. Rothwell Gornt did not collapse, but will have to fight hard against its rigid structures to adapt to new times. The Noble House will survive and prosper due to its flexibility.


Yip: The rat leaves chaos, the Ox stabilises; restraint, toil, wisdom and determination are the characteristics of the Ox. Those like the Ox will prosper.

Tai-Pan: Not a year for excess, put your head down and work. I'll put off buying that new AMG SLK as an example to the rest of the Noble House.

Yip: Be careful those born in the year of Ram, Horse, Dragon and Dog.

Tai-Pan: I know his birthday is a closely guarded secret, but I'd wager Gornt was born under one of these signs. Advice I didn't need in this instance!


For a full report, please contact The Tai-Pan's secretary Dyspepsia Wong on ext. +5118.

A Festive Message from The Tai-Pan

2008 has been quite a year for the Tai-Pan and the Noble House, with extreme highs and lows, massive and unpredictable changes, and unsolicited holidays to Turkestan. In light of this, I am looking forward to calmer seas to steer the Flying Cloud and the rest of the fleet through, but with the economic forecast set to gales (storm-force later, veering south to south-westerly), the barometer falling in line with the stock market and piratical activity on the increase - both on the seas and in certain peoples business habits, we will need all the joss we can get to win through. But mark my words, as Tai-Pan of the Noble House I have no doubt that we will not only win through, but come out above and beyond all our competitors from the current financial typhoon.

Wishing you all much joss in the New Year.

The Tai-Pan

___________________________


Extracts from The Far Eastern Economic Review's interview with The Tai-Pan

What has the Tai-Pan been up to recently, and what are the Tai-Pan's plans for 2009?

There have been some rumours and reports that the Noble House has been distracted from the market recently, and has not been punching at its weight. Let me quash these immediately; they are but the vicious propaganda of certain rival tycoons and would-be tai-pans. I have personally been engaged in many international projects that will see the Noble House through the current fiscal crisis and also reap benefits for us, the most important trading house in Hong Kong, long beyond this time. These should start to come into fruition in 2009.

...


What do you make of the story that Quillian Gornt was behind the attack on the Noble House's stables that left the cream of your horses lame?

I am sure that Commissioner Tang and his police are leading a full and thorough investigation into this unwarranted and heinous attack. Whomever the culprit may be, I am sure that the full weight of the law will be thrown at them for this barbaric deed. I was shocked to hear about Gornt's best jockey being embroiled in that seedy affair in Bangkok, and am sure that the fifteen years handed down by the judge was a fair and just sentence, and should serve as a warning to other jockeys who try to feed barbiturates to their steeds.

...

Failed attempt on the Tai-Pan's wealth and life

You may have noticed that I have been unable to bring you any news recently; well, it's hard to write to my audience when you've been snatched from the steps of your Gulf Stream by a gang of armed thugs (who might as well have been wearing 'I love Gornt' badges and T-Shirts), manacled, sent to Xinjiang by freight train and had a run-in with the local Party officials who tried to extort a substantial portion of your investments from you using a variety of uncommonly unpleasant ancient Chinese techniques. Fortunately there was a local militant uprising, and I was unwittingly sprung from jail, and helped escape across Central Asia by camel train.

That's the last time I go property hunting in Italy.

In my absence, I see that Gornt has had free reign and run wild over Hong Kong with his evil schemes. I also notice he's remained awfully quiet about my disappearance...

However, as Tai-Pan of the Noble House, I knew I would survive this ordeal, and have already rectified the damage done my stocks and holdings by Gornt in my absence. As I am not an evil man by nature, I've decided to show my gratitude to Gornt by making a gift of a holiday to him. Well maybe not to him exactly. Checked your stable recently Gornt?

Busy Week

As Tai-Pan of the Noble House, it is only seemly and fitting that I have an appropriate abode in which to dwell. This week I have been viewing and selecting from among the finest properties in the Netherlands. Sadly, nothing is available at the same altitude as the Tai-Pan's residence in Hong Kong.


A small property with a central location



A bit gothic for my taste



Quite modern...


And then I found this. It reminded me of home, and that terrible incident in Aberdeen Harbour. So I bought it as a business interest.


No repeats please

But where will the Tai-Pan's residence be in the Netherlands?